Chapter 21: Bruises
Pain is the fist that knocks you down. Forgiveness is the hand that helps you back
up again.
–Doe Zantamata
Throwback
Thursday Theatre was packed full of people wishing to escape their mundane
everyday lives. People made a big deal
out of watching the classics by dressing as if they were on the red
carpet. The owner of the theatre had quickly
figured out that this monthly event was a big deal in Boomerang Valley. The movies he chose to show spanned the decades
of all his various clientele. One night they
had gone back to the eighties by showing Footloose. People showed up in the most fantastic
electric neon colors and the evening had ended with a community dance. Another night was dedicated to The Sound of
Music where the theatre looked like Octoberfest with the men in their
liederhosen. The women went the extra
mile and spent hours on Pinterest looking for the perfect braided hairdos. The audience was a sea of festive greens and
reds. Then there had been the sci-fi
night where they had a Star Wars marathon.
Samantha couldn’t believe how many people own Jedi costumes and light sabers. The one she had wanted to go to the most was
Breakfast at Tiffany’s because she idolized Audrey Hepburn. That night the older generation dressed in
what the young people now call “vintage” clothing. The women wore hats fit for a Hollywood
premiere along with beautiful ball gowns.
The men, although not usually in tuxedos, did their best to dress to the
nines as well. It wasn’t uncommon for
men to show up to Throwback Thursday Theatre wearing fedoras along with their
nicely pressed shirt and pants complimented by suspenders. People would dress according to the theme of
the movie and Samantha loved how romantic everyone looked all dressed up.
Samantha
had always longed to participate in the community’s unique monthly soirée but
Darryl had never let her. He wouldn’t
think of dressing up and actually having fun.
Samantha thought back to lonely nights on her computer as Darryl watched
baseball games out in the living room.
She remembered scrolling through Facebook post after Facebook post the
night the theatre had shown Mary Poppins.
They all looked like they were having so much fun in their fluffy dresses,
hats, and parasols. They looked so
free! They looked so happy! They looked like she wanted to feel. Week after week she begged Darryl to please
take her for a night on the town. He had
said that once she lost 20 pounds, he might consider being seen in public with
her. She had never asked him about it
again, but every Thursday at midnight, she would log on to the Pierson
Photography Facebook page to check out all the photos. Tonight, it was finally her turn to be a part
of the magic!
Anton
came to her apartment to pick her up to go to Singin’ in the Rain, looking
quite dapper. He had on a pinstriped
suit complete with vest and red tie. His
fedora made him look irresistibly romantic.
He had on a London Fog overcoat and of course a black umbrella by his
side. In his other hand, he held a
bag. Samantha answered the door in a
baby blue, 20’s style flapper dress complete with neck scarf just like Debbie
Reynolds wore in the movie. She greeted
him at the door excitedly.
“Oh
Anton! You look like Gene Kelly!” she exclaimed excitedly. He smiled and tipped his hat at her. “And you, my dear, look stunning!” Samantha was so excited for the evening. Tonight she would post a picture of her and
Anton on facebook for the world to see.
“I almost forgot my phone. Hang
on,” she said as she rushed back to the bedroom. This also allowed her one last chance to
check herself out in the mirror. She had
come a long way in just a few short months.
She hadn’t lost the 20 pounds yet, but she was well on her way. She stood sideways in the mirror to admire
her figure. She did look stunning. She grabbed her phone, threw it in her purse
and went back out to Anton. He held out
the bag to her and said, “Hope it’s ok, I brought you something…” Samantha hesitated to open the bag. She wasn’t used to receiving gifts from a man
but her whole face spread into a gorgeous smile as she pulled out a bright
yellow raincoat. “I know it’s nothing
fancy and probably not practical at all, but my daughters found this at a thrift
store for Homecoming Spirit Week a few years ago. When I told them about our date, they said
they wanted you to have it to wear to the show.” Samantha was giddy as a school girl. Anton helped her put it on and it fit just
right. So out the door they went.
When
they arrived at the theatre, they found a crowd of people dressed in bright
colored raincoats and galoshes. Pierson
Photography was on hand to memorialize the occasion. Samantha was thinking of just posting a
selfie taken from her phone on facebook, but now Anton was suggesting that they
step in the photo booth. Samantha was
bouncing with delight. Money never
seemed to be an issue for Anton. What
would life be like if money weren’t an obstacle? Not only did Anton pay the $10
photo booth fee but he paid an extra $5 for their picture to be posted on the
Pierson Photography facebook business page.
The photo pose they chose was one of them holding an umbrella and
looking at each other with cheesy grins.
They grabbed their large popcorn to share along with a 7-up and took
their seats as they waited for the show to begin. Samantha had never been in such an energized
atmosphere and it wasn’t even the weekend!
As
the movie started, she felt comfortable sitting with Anton. The two talked through the entire movie. Both of them had forgotten how corny the
movie was and got a kick out of the dated lingo. Samantha’s favorite song was “Good Mornin.” She felt like this first date with Anton was
the beginning of a new chapter in her life, a new day so to speak. Meanwhile, Anton was lost in the romance of
the movie. He had tried to sweep his
ex-wife off her feet when they first were married but somewhere along the line,
he had lost that romantic spark. Pretty
soon his work at the lab was taking priority over his family and although he
wasn’t the one who had cheated, he took full responsibility for the
catastrophic breakdown of his marriage.
He promised himself that if he ever started dating again, that he would
make sure to always treat the woman like a queen. He hoped he wasn’t being too over the top on
his first date with Samantha. As he
watched Gene Kelly splash through the sidewalk and road, Anton thought, that’s
exactly how I feel about Sami. He would
swing around a lamp post like a lovesick fool too if Sami ever reciprocated his
love.
Samantha
thought it ironic that the premise of the movie revolved around “talking
pictures.” She thought about how life
was, not even three months earlier. She
had felt like she was living in a silent movie with melodramatic music. Instantly, in her mind’s eye she was back in
Darryl’s house as he got ready to swing at her.
She could almost hear the organ music building up to a crescendo as the
villain in a black cape and mustache came to hurt the heroine. A word would pop up on the screen,
“Gasp!” The camera then went back to
showing the heroine on the ground shielding her face from the blow. “The End”, the words on the screen would
say. Samantha popped back to reality and
realized she was still safe and secure sitting by Anton in the theatre she had
only dreamed of getting to go to. Anton
was definitely bringing the sound back into her life. He was encouraging her to follow her dreams
and he loved her unconditionally.
She
reached for some more popcorn right at the same moment Anton did. Their fingers slightly brushed each other and
Samantha truly thought the touch of Anton’s hand created sparks.
“Oh,
so sorry…you go ahead.”
“I’m not sorry at all.”
Anton winked at her. They both put
popcorn in their mouth and munched awkwardly.
“Would
you mind if I held your hand? Or is it
too soon?” Anton pressed.
Samantha’s
heart was about ready to beat right out of her chest. She thought to herself, how can you turn down
a guy who asks for permission? It’s as
though he wants to make sure I have what I want. And what I want is… Samantha looked him
straight in the eyes and said, “uh-huh.”
She held out her hand and his fingers intertwined with hers. This was definitely living life out loud! No more silent pictures for her. She wasn’t sure if she should have, but the
electric shock that came from holding hands made her want to put her head on
his shoulder. So she did. And Anton felt whole again.
After
the movies, they went out for frozen yogurt, still all dressed up. They found a corner booth and snuggled in on
the same side, not wanting to let go of each other. Is it possible for two people to simultaneously
find a security blanket in each other?
An old fashioned juke box sat opposite their booth. In the old days, you would have had to put
two quarters in but now the owner just had it on a continuous loop of
music. The song playing was Bruises by Train
featuring Ashley Monroe. Anton and
Samantha ate their keylime frozen yogurt as they joked about the movie they had
just seen. For whatever reason, they hit
a lull in their conversation right as the song hit the chorus:
These
bruises
Makes for better conversation
Makes for better conversation
It was time for them to quit acting like lovesick teenagers and face their very adult lives. They both knew talking about their past struggles was inevitable but both were trying to put it off just a bit longer. But now listening to the chorus of the song, they knew it was time to talk about their bruises. Samantha went first.
“Anton, I still can’t
thank you enough for being there for me the last few weeks. You have been more of a friend to me than
Darryl had ever dreamed of becoming. I
feel so liberated now that he is out of the picture but I have to confess…”
Oh no, here it comes thought Anton…she’s not ready
for a relationship yet. He braced
himself..
“I have to confess that
I am being consumed with anger for what he did to me all those years.”
Anton relaxed and became more attentive.
“I hate that I allowed
myself to be so abused. I know he only
hit me that one night, but now that he is gone and I have my freedom back, I
realize just what a slave I had allowed myself to become. I am mad that I ever let it get that
far. Why couldn’t I have stood up to him
years ago? Why did I let him use me as
his verbal punching bag? Sometimes at
night, I lay in bed thinking of what I should have said to him. Sometimes I lay in bed thinking of ways I
would have liked to hurt him like he hurt me.
I am so glad the divorce is final but I just can’t get over it.”
Anton chose his words carefully. His ex-wife had always warned him if he was
supposed to solve a problem in a conversation or just listen. He didn’t know Sami well enough to
distinguish the two quite yet.
She continued, “Anton,
I want to start a real relationship with you but don’t feel I can give you all of
me until I get over Darryl. Tell me I’m
crazy for thinking that. What was it
like when your wife left you?”
Anton cleared his
throat and started, “My whole world came crashing down the day my brother
exposed my cheating wife. People say
that I must have been in denial because all the warning flags were there, but I
can tell you truthfully that I didn’t see it coming at all. I was devastated and I guess in a way I still
am. I hated her for what she did to
me…to us…to the kids…to our life. You
know how everyone has their small town story…mine became, oh he’s the guy whose
wife skipped town with her personal trainer.
I was humiliated and didn’t even want to leave the house. Over time though, I came to a huge
realization. There was no way I could
move on until I forgave her. And even
more startling was the realization that came as I realized I couldn’t forgive
her until I forgave myself. I had been
so hard on myself that I came to loathe myself.
Am I making any sense?”
“Holy cow…I thought
only I felt that way. Sometimes I am
afraid to be alone because my negative self talk beats me up all over
again. My physical bruises may have
finally healed up but my heart and brain are still a crumpled mess. I kind of feel like Jim Carey’s character in
Liar Liar when he physically beats himself up in the bathroom. What kind of person does that to himself, or
in this case, herself? Some nights I
feel stupid for not standing up to him sooner.
Some nights I wish I had stabbed him harder. But then other nights I feel guilty for
wanting him to get the maximum sentence for his crime. And some nights,” she paused before she said,
“ I convince myself that I will never be worthy of anyone else’s affection.”
As if on cue, Anton reached for Samantha’s hand once
more and gave it a squeeze. Samantha
started to cry.
“Oh Sami, don’t be so
hard on yourself. Everything you are
feeling is totally natural. We will get
through this. You are so strong. You have so much to offer. You just have to have time to heal….time to forgive. Remember the bruises he gave you?”
“How could I forget?”
“Remember how the
bruises changed colors as you healed?”
“Black and blue to a
nasty orangeish-green?”
“Well, right now you
are in the nasty orangeish-green part of healing a broken heart. I’ve been there and I can tell you, one day
you will wake up and look in the mirror and you won’t be able to see the bruise
at all. Don’t get me wrong…your heart
will forever bear a scar of broken hopes and broken dreams but even that will
be replaced with new hopes and new dreams.”
“But what if I allow
myself to get too close to you and things don’t work out? I can’t go down that road again…I just
can’t”.
“First of all, I’m not
him. Second of all, you aren’t her.”
“ What do you mean by
that?”
“Sami, as you continue
to heal, you will never go back to who you were. You will emerge better…more self confident
than you have ever been…you will be changed.
And third of all, I promise I will never hurt you. And if things don’t work out between us…so be
it. I believe I was supposed to run out
of milk that night at that very time.
God doesn’t leave anything to chance.”
“I thought that same
thing too, Anton. So what you’re saying
is that if things don’t work out between us, everything will have been as it
was supposed to be? Wow, that’s deep!”
Anton laughed, and
looked into her beautiful eyes still moist with tears. “ I hope you will let me come along with you
on your journey of healing. And I hope
and pray that you are willing to help me along my journey too.”
She reached for a
napkin to wipe her tears as she said, “Yeah, I would like that. Two are better than one right?”
Anton gently touched
her cheek and wiped away a tear. He held
Sami close and let her cry a bit more.
He knew they would have a lot more talking and healing to do, but he
hoped from here on out they could do it together. Samantha felt like her bruises were once
again exposed from talking about her problems but this time, she knew she had
someone she could trust. Someone she
could turn to. Someone she could always
count on to sing in the rain with.
Anton said he had
better be getting her home so he could be home in time to talk to his girls about
their school day before they headed to bed.
Samantha was floating on cloud nine because she had just been on the
most romantic date of her life. She put
on her yellow raincoat and he put on his London Fog as they headed back out
into the night. They laughed as the
first raindrops hit them on the way out to their car. Instinctively, they both pulled out their
umbrellas as they hurried to the car but then almost simultaneously they closed
their umbrellas and started belting out, “I’m singin’ in the rain!” Anton even found a curb he could do a little
dance on. They laughed hysterically and
once again, they felt like young teenagers in love. The rain started coming down harder so they
finally raced to the car. Anton swooped
up Sami and held her close in a firm embrace as the rain poured down. The cheesy song from the movie echoed back to her
as she thought to herself, “Good Mornin’!”
Train Feat.
Ashley Munroe. Bruises. Rec. 5 Oct. 2012. Columbia, 2012.
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