Chapter 15: Llamado de
Emergencia
“Every day brings a
chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.”
― Oprah Winfrey
― Oprah Winfrey
Jamarcus
was getting ready to leave the gym for the day when he suddenly remembered he
had forgotten to lock up the aerobics room.
He ran up the stairs and saw that not only had he forgotten to lock it,
but the lights were still on. As he
rounded the corner leading into the room, he heard voices coming from the door
that was slightly ajar.
“I
just don’t know what I’m going to do,” he heard a woman say.
“Oh, honey…you’re doing
just fine! And look at your beautiful
baby boy sleeping away in his car seat.”
Jamarcus recognized Lucy’s bubbly voice.
“I just don’t get
it. I should be thrilled to be a mom
again! I mean I know how badly Samantha
had wanted to have kids and she was heartbroken when she found out she
couldn’t. I just feel so selfish for
feeling this way. I should be dancing
for joy but instead I’m dancing to try to escape!”
“Oh Kimberly, don’t be
so hard on yourself. You just had a baby
eight weeks ago and these things take time.
It’s totally natural to feel overwhelmed right now. I mean, I remember when I had my third
child. My whole world got rocked! All of a sudden I didn’t have enough arms for
how many kids I had. I had two in
diapers once too. I felt like all I did
was change poopy diapers. I was self conscious of the smell in my house and I
was sure that I smelled like poop 24/7.
You have your hands full, that’s for sure but you are still
transitioning, that’s all.”
Kimberly started to sob
and Jamarcus wondered if he should be eavesdropping but he was always
interested about what was going on with the people working out in his facility. Everyone in this town was like family.
“Remember the second to
last song in Zumba class? What was it
called again?”
“Llamado de
Emergencia?” Lucy answered singing the bridge of the chorus.
“Ven aqui rápido, ven aquí rápido,
Es
un llamado de emergencia babe.”
“Yes, that’s the
one. Sometimes I feel like I can’t
breathe and I just want to yell 9-1-1! I
feel stupid for feeling sad all the time.”
Kimberly continued in between sobs, “Why can’t I find happy? All I do is cry and cry and cry…I just feel
so tired all the time! Cole is sleeping
for only four hours at a time. I try to
rest during his nap time but it seems like that’s when I get caught up on
everything else the kids need. I am
wiped out! Johnny is doing his best to
help me with the other kids and has even started doing all the housework, including the
laundry…but I am still exhausted. I have
plenty of support with people from church bringing in meals at least twice a
week. All I have to do is take care of
the baby and myself.”
Lucy put her arm around
Kimberly’s shoulder and said, “Actually, taking care of you is your first
priority. You know how when you fly on
an airplane they give you all the safety rule procedures?”
“Yeah…”
“Well my dear, you have
to put on your oxygen mask first
before you are capable to put on your child’s.
Do you see what I’m saying? I
would be happy to watch little Cole for a few hours so you can do something
just for you. When is the last time you
had a hair appointment? I know I always
feel pampered when I get my hair washed, cut, and styled. I’m not saying you look like you need it…I’m
just throwing out ideas here.”
“Oh man, I can’t
remember the last time I went to the hair salon. I can’t even take a shower without at least
one of my kids banging on the door needing me for something or other. I’m supposed to love motherhood but I dread
the kids calling my name…mommy, mommy, mommy.
I just can’t be mommy right now.
The other day, little Sarah said mommy and I snapped at her. I felt like I should get worst mother of the
year award! Then she said something I
will never forget…she asked me how come I don’t smile anymore?”
Lucy just let Kimberly
cry at this point. The little baby
swaddled in a blue flannel snuggly soft blanket started to wriggle a bit. Lucy knew this conversation would be cut
short at any moment. Cole would be
hungry when he woke up.
“Kimberly, does your
doctor know about how you are feeling? I
had the baby blues with the last two babies and it is a real thing. Your hormones are probably out of whack. I totally know what you are going through and
I can promise you it will get better. I
know you don’t want to tell Johnny about how you are feeling. We all know you are super-mom, but even
superheroes need to rest and take care of themselves.”
“I just feel like such
a failure Lucy! All I want to do is get
back into some sort of routine again…like before I had the baby. Don’t get me wrong, I would never do anything
to hurt any of my children, especially the baby…but I just feel like I can’t do
it anymore. Sometimes when I’m all
alone, I think of ways to hurt myself so then someone can take care of me for a change. Not that I would ever throw myself down the
stairs or anything, but it scares me that I have even thought about it.”
Jamarcus could sense
the compassion Lucy had towards Kimberly as she said, “Kimberly, I have been
there too and you know what? You’re
going to make it through just fine. By
trusting me enough to open up about your true feelings, you are leaps and bounds
ahead on the road to recovery. I
recognize your cry for help or your 9-1-1 call so to speak. But Kimberly, what you don’t realize is that
you will continue to move forward one step at a time or one breath at a time,
on some days. You have overcome
challenges before and you will continue to be the victor again. I am free all day Monday so I will be at your
house at 10am. You call and set up your
hair appointment. We will talk some more
afterwards. The fact that you were brave
enough to start doing Zumba again, shows a step in the right direction. It’s so important to kick off your shoes and
dance every day of your life. When I had
baby blues, it was exercise and the support of friends that brought me out of
the darkness. As for tonight…I am
calling to have pizza delivered to your house for dinner so you don’t have to
worry about cooking.”
“Oh Lucy…I have missed
our little talks so much. I can’t
believe it’s been two months already of not working out. I feel so out of shape. I just want to be back to my old self again.”
“Kimberly, you will
never be back to your old self…you will be new, better, improved, and
changed. And you know what? You are going to love yourself more than
ever! Hang in there. You got this!”
Lucy gave her one final
hug and grabbed her bag over by the music system. Kimberly dried her eyes with the sport towel
and hefted her baby’s car seat onto her arm while simultaneously swinging the
diaper bag over the other arm. Kimberly
definitely had this mom thing down.
Jamarcus poked his head
into the room when he was sure they were done talking and told Lucy, “You go on
ahead and get the door for Kimberly and her baby…I will lock up for you.”
Lucy thanked him and
walked with Kimberly all the way out to the parking lot. Jamarcus turned off the lights and locked the
door behind him. He was running late for
his dinner date at Jacob’s Ranch. Ever
since he moved to Boomerang Valley, he had been invited to eat at the Jacob’s
every Saturday night. They welcomed him
into their home as if he were their own son.
He looked forward to Mama Jacobs elk roast and potatoes and as he was
heading out into the parking lot, he could almost smell the homemade rolls that
he knew were waiting for him. Jamarcus
had been lucky to have a connection like the Jacob’s. They introduced him to the locals and always
talked him up to everyone they saw.
Jamarcus had been afraid he would be homesick living so far away from
Jamaica, but since his parents had both passed on, he had kind of adopted the
Jacob’s as his own. Oh he would still skype
with his brother back in Jamaica every now and again but for the most part
Jamarcus’ transition to Montana had gone rather smoothly.
As he walked over to
his white Toyota truck, he fumbled to get his car keys out of his pocket. The keys fell to the gravel. He reached down to pick them up and when he
stood up, he noticed Caleb’s blue Chevy pulling in. He couldn’t help but see Danielle’s brown
curly hair bounce as she literally hopped out of the tall truck. “Wow, Caleb is the new flavor of the month?”
Jamarcus said to himself. What he saw
next shocked him though. Jamarcus had
only ever seen Danielle immaculately dressed with perfect hair and makeup. The Danielle he saw before him now looked a
bit rough…actually kind of beat up. Her
hair was frizzing out everywhere as if she had been caught under a shower
faucet and hadn’t bothered to dry or style it.
Her legs were muddy, her clothes were muddy, and even her cheek had a
smudge of dirt.
Caleb was helping her
over to her car when Jamarcus noticed how badly Danielle was limping. As she reached for the car door handle, he
noticed one lone red glove. He felt like
he should go over and ask what the heck had happened but Danielle started the
ignition and raced off. Jamarcus had
never seen Danielle look that awful but somehow he thought Danielle had never
looked more beautiful. His cell phone
rang, interrupting his thoughts. “Yeah,
I’m on my way to your house right now…just got held up at work…be there in a
minute.” He started up his truck and
checked himself in the mirror. He was
really looking forward to this evening because he was going to finally get to
meet the Jacob’s granddaughter they had told him all about. What was her name again? Dani.
Daddy Yankee.
Llamado De Emergencia. Rec. 8 Aug. 2008. El Cartel Records,
2008.
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